in the past i always feel weird when im with my church friends. always feel that i cant fit in. although they are like all my schoolmates(?) just felt that way..

until recently..

i found out why. why i have this feeling. its because i didnt want to fit in. thats the reason. i always feel neglected deep within. self-pity? im not really sure. but im dead sure my upbringing has a problem. i dont really have a perfect family. i know my mum is trying. but 1 never can be 2. i guess it cant be helped. maybe its a test that God gave me so that i would be stronger? im not sure.

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woah. freaking busy lately. supp papers. concert. camp. music lessons. painting of room(?) haha. everything has to be done. just dont know how. like my everyday is packed to the brim? anything more and it will overflow. i might just burst.

i feel that im enjoying church more and more. weird that i hated going to church every sunday. haha. maybe its the fellowship? in my world. i take that my friends are presents that God decided to give me so that i wont break under stress? like candies to kids. haha.

really regretted not learning piano properly. now, looking at everyone with an instrument in hand, i yearn to learn one. so i decided. guitar! haha. hope i would be able to learn to play as soon as possible. =) and maybe. just maybe. i will put my hands on the ivory sticks and start to learn again. if i got the money that is. haha.


supp paper tomorrow..